Is This It?
by redraisin
Summary: Palex. Paige and Alex are on the verge of a break-up. An alternative to Love Is A Battlefield.


**a/n: So I stopped watching Degrassi during season 7, when the writers decided to utterly desecrate the Palex fandom, and anyone with a penchant for characterization, continuity and stuff like. So this fic takes place around Love is a Battlefield aka the most insulting 22 minutes of TV I have ever watched. Yes, I'm still bitter, but writing this was sort of cathartic. Feedback is always welcome.**

**Is This It?**

"So this is it? I mean… for real this time? This is how we're gonna do this?"

Alex was staring straight at Paige, her dark brown eyes burning with intensity, willing the other girl to return her gaze, daring her to do so.

But Paige's line of sight remained resolutely downcast, her eyes shifting nervously from the dresser to the bed, before darting back to the gym bag on the floor.

She chewed distractedly on her thumbnail, only half-caring about the French manicure she was busy destroying.

A sigh inadvertently crept out from between her lips.

"Yeah, looks like it," she murmured in response to Alex's accusation.

She lifted her eyes then, but Alex wasn't looking anymore. She was running her hand through her hair, her mouth distorted into something approaching a grimace. The tough girl trying to regain some semblance of composure.

It was ridiculous. They both knew it, yet were powerless to stop the scene playing out before them.

"I just don't understand," Alex eventually muttered, shaking her head slightly as she shifted her weight from left foot to right foot, cramming her hands deep into her coat pockets as she balled her fingers into fists, clenching and unclenching them as her jaw tightened.

"Alex…" Paige began, her arms immediately rising towards the other girl, ready to soothe away the anxiety and hurt.

She caught herself in time though, remembered that this wasn't really appropriate anymore and weakly folded her fingers in front of her in an effort to stop her restless fidgeting.

"It's run its course, Alex."

She said it quietly, almost believing the words as they escaped into the air, dissolving into nothing before they had even managed to make it across the room.

Alex grunted in response, lips twisting into a deformed smile at the recognition of the phrase. Uttered last night in anger. Barely whispered today in solemn confirmation.

"It just doesn't make any _sense_," Alex tried again, her voice breaking on the last word despite her best efforts to reign in her emotions.

She wanted to be the voice of reason here. Reason was something that Paige responded to well. Usually, anyway. But things had been far from usual lately.

One minute they were living their teenage romance out in full glorious technicolour, the next they were being showered with an ice bucket of reality, christening their dreams in confusion and self-doubt.

What had changed so rapidly? Why had Paige transformed from steadfast supporter to intolerant ice queen overnight.

"You know," Alex began, swallowing hard against the quiver that was clawing its way up her throat. "I always thought you were on my side. Even when I fucked up, which I guess happened more than you'd have liked, but…"

Their gazes locked on to one another, united in their mutual sorrow at the situation.

"I'm still on your side," Paige whispered, taking a hesitant step, the first step, towards Alex. "I'll always be on your side."

"Then why this?" Alex broke in, her voice edging up an octave as she gestured towards the bag, her bag, that lay packed at her feet.

It was pathetic really, all their memories, all the heartache and tears and tantrums, and whispered late-night promises and early morning confessions, neatly folded and packed into a little parcel of nothingness that she would carry away with her.

What about coming out at school? What about the plans she had shot down to follow Paige to Banting? What about the stolen kisses? The disregarded boyfriends – boytoys, whatever the fuck they were. What about her mum and Chad –_Chad! _That fucking loser! Who'd hit her, actually backhanded her- drunkenly, accidentally, yes, but still… and in front of Paige.

And her mother… her own mother takes him back, again and again, uses her money, _Alex's money, _to getthe bastard out of jail, after he lied! He fucking lied! And she took her clothes off, actually sold her own pride down the river, against her better judgement, against Paige's better judgement… to help her mother… for what?!

And what about the prom? What about "You have me," and that embrace, so reassuringly familiar, so full of everything, just everything she needed right there and then.

All of it, the whole big stinking, tangled mess made more sense to Alex than what was happening right now.

"I need to do this Alex. For me. We're just no right for each other."

_There_, thought Alex, _right there is where things stop making sense._

"Were we right for each other when I was flunking high school and you were busting your ass to get into an ivy league college?" She's shouting now, she doesn't mean to, registers Paige flinching at her aggressive tone, but she presses on.

"Were we right for each other when I was with Carla and you were fooling around with your ex _and_ another guy?"

"Or how about when I was stripping to keep a roof over my head, while you were maxing out mummy and daddy's credit card. Huh? Huh?"

She's in Paige's face now, refusing to back down and walk away, but still angry with herself for being the first to tear up.

And Paige knows that Alex is right. Knows that they have never been the picture-perfect textbook couple, ready to bask in the inevitable glory of a happy ending.

When she would think about the two of them, secretly because she always felt slightly guilty about analysing it, but… she always thought their flaws were what made them destined for each other. Like star-crossed lovers. That's how she thought of them when she was being indulgent.

It helped to take away the edge of terror she felt over their incompatibility, their unconventional relationship, the thought that maybe this dark-haired girl with an attitude, and a bad past and a…_a womb… _would be Paige's big love, her one and only, her future.

But thinking of Alex and her overcoming all the obstacles to be together- leaving each other and then still, somehow, despite everything, drifting back, finding each other again- that made the whole affair romantic in Paige's eyes. And she could work with that.

Or she had done.

But lately everything had been out of kilter. Her friends had been bugging her about the free-riding girlfriend, her boss had been making unreasonable demands, and Page was tired of it. All of it. The defending, the explaining. The shame she felt towards herself, at being embarrassed by her own girlfriend.

"You said you loved me." Alex's voice was devoid of the anger it had held just moments before, but the sting was undeniable.

Paige collapsed with a weary sigh onto the edge of the bed, hunching forward, her elbows on her knees, burying her face in her hands.

And despite the pain, Alex couldn't help but be drawn to her, couldn't help but let their thighs touch with that most intimate of contact that only lovers make without flinching.

"I don't know Alex, I just don't know," Paige muttered, lifting her head from her hands as she fixed her gaze somewhere on the middle distance.

Alex stretched her arms out behind her, leaning back and tipping her head to the ceiling. "Well you loved me last week. And certainly seemed that way the night before last."

This got an unexpected smirk out of Paige, remembering the hurried lovemaking they had indulged in two days ago, fitting it in around an afternoon of VIP handholding and dinner with her parents.

"Loving you's the easy part," she conceded with an air of wistfulness.

Alex turned her attention back to Paige at that, hesitantly intrigued by the admission, but waiting for Paige to elaborate.

"It's everything else Alex," she said at last, raising her hands as if in defeat and shrugging her shoulders.

"Yeah, well," Alex scratched at the back of her neck as her skin started doing that tingly itchy thing it did when she became nervous. "Isn't it always kiddo."

Paige's mouth edged up at the corner as she bumped her shoulder alongside her girlfriend's in acknowledgment. "Yeah. I guess it is."

They sat like that, together in silence, for a few minutes more, contemplating just how much longer they could draw this out for before things became ugly. Or someone gave in.

"What if we both went away," Alex said at last.

"Er. Great plan, hun. Except you're forgetting that I have a career now."

Alex didn't bother to hide her eyeroll at this. She figured that with her bags packed and her marching orders already given, there was pretty much nothing left to lose.

"Paige, what you have is some stuck-up fashionista telling you what to do. I doubt they're in short supply. Anyway-" she hurriedly continued before Paige's frown manifested itself into something more serious, "You have something else far more important. You have me. And I love you no matter what crazy head-trip you're on right now.

"And maybe it is time to get the hell out of here and stop tacking myself onto your life. But that doesn't mean it has to be the end does it? I mean, why can't we start again somewhere else. Somewhere new. Together."

The whole idea was gaining momentum in Alex's head as she spoke the words. Either she was protracting the inevitable break-up or had truly just had a eureka moment.

And ever-sensible Paige, with her plans and GPAs and near-perfect hair once again found herself being sucked into the sheer infectious recklessness that Alex had always exuded.

"It's not that easy Alex," she tried wearily, her sensible tone belying a quickening in her heartbeat at the possibility that maybe, just maybe things were that easy. That love really was that simple. That maybe they might just have the ghost of a chance at a happily-ever-after.

"Paige," Alex stood before her now, taking both her hands in her own, shaking them with each emphasis of her words, "If you want it, if you really want it, if you want _me,_ then it can be that easy. I promise."

And that was the bit that had dealt the killer blow for Paige. Because Alex had never been about making promises. And she understood why. When life changes on you and people keep letting you down, promises tend to get broken, whether intentionally or not.

"Do you?" she whispered, tentatively looking back at the familiar face for reassurance.

"Paige," Alex murmured, pulling her up and into an embrace, soothing blonde tendrils down against impossibly soft skin.

"For you," she whispered into her ear, "Only for you."

Paige sunk against her willingly, arms wrapped up tight around her back, saltwater dissolving in her eyes before they had a chance to give birth to tears.

"Where can we go?" she asked.

"Anywhere. Anywhere!" Alex immediately responded into her shoulder, feeling the shiver of a giggle rippling down Paige's spine.

"Anywhere that isn't Degrassi," Paige added

"Oh, I am so over Degrassi and this whole scene," Alex chipped in over-dramatically, prompting another laugh from her girlfriend.

"So… New start?" Paige looked around at her room, their room, filled with junk and shoes and a whole lot of crap that she knew wouldn't be missed in the long-run.

"Looks like it," Alex grinned, tugging on her hand, pulling her as close as close could be without an unwanted collision.

"Somewhere hot," Paige mumbled into her neck.

"Orange County?"

"I don't like the sound of that. Things never work out there."

"Why not? I'm from the wrong side of the tracks… you're the popular girl that everyone wants…"

"You blatantly never saw the end of that show, did you?"

"Er-no."

"No."

Paige kissed Alex then, because she was always a sucker for Alex acting cute. And because it was a good way to stop the conversation before it became too serious again.

And because she loved her.

And she was beginning to realize that sometimes that really could be enough.


End file.
